How To Be A Good Nigerian Wife

Whenever I think of marriage and what a married woman should be especially in Nigeria, the picture that comes to my mind is that of the Hindu goddess Parvati.
You’re expected to be beautiful.Not skinny and not fat; actually never fat, you must have flesh though because if you don’t, they’d say you’re bones and real men must eat flesh.
If you’re skinny, he’d cheat on you with a bigger woman because he’s a real man and can’t eat bones.
If you’re fat, ah ah😏😏😏Madam, you’re unattractive someone attractive will trap him.
You have to be fertile because how dare you not pop out a baby after 5 years of marriage, what did you think he married you for?
He has to go look for children outside.
You have children but all girls, well who would continue his family name, you want his name to die just like that, another woman has to provide the male child since you’re clearly not capable.
Oh, you have both male and female children, well read the beginning again, childbirth has made you too fat, therefore you are unattractive and a man must have an attractive woman.
You have beauty, children(male and female) but how do you prepare his food?I mean both the food for the stomach and the food for his penis.
Madam your vagina has slacked after childbirth, oga doesn’t feel tingles when he slides in again.
You decide to get your pussy jarumatized but how do you prepare the food for the stomach?
Your Oha soup has too much salt and your amala is always strong.Ah ba😒😒😒😒😒
Eh ehnnnn

Now both the food for the stomach and penis is perfect but you no wan give Oga anal 🙁🙁🙁🙁
You dey give Oga anal but you be housewife, na so so bring bring dey your dictionary.
You see, you’re doomed.
Oga wants a perfect wife.A woman that is beautiful(skinny but has some flesh)A woman with perfect pu**y. A working-class lady that wakes up at 4 am, prepares breakfast, packs lunch for her family, returns to prepare fresh dinner at 5 pm.
And keep shut when he cheats!Shut up that your mouth.Someone that has paid bride price in full on your head, abi is polygamy a crime?
I could go on and on but it’s exhausting.And except you’re the goddess Parvati with several hands, you’d breakdown trying to be the perfect wife.

Written By Olivia Sose