My friend is worried about her 29-year-old younger brother who’s getting married immediately after this pandemic is over. She gives me sad tales of why she thinks her brother isn’t mature enough for marriage and all of this comes from a good heart.
Dude can’t make his bed, he’s very entitled, feels all his sisters are made to serve him, can’t even flush his own poo at home, and leaves his mess for his mother and his sisters to clean up. His room at home is a total mess. He looks great outside, but inside, he’s a dirty, filthy and extremely rough human being.
Growing up, his parents never made sure he was responsible for his own mess. They made his sisters clean after him and even as a grown person, his mother still blames others (except him) for his own mistakes.
She’s afraid for his wife and has laid her concerns to her. His wife-to-be is not bothered one bit because in her words “men are like babies and I’d do my best to clean his mess. That’s why I’m his wife”.
Her statement amused my friend and me.
A 29-year-old adult man is unable to clean himself and is getting married to a woman who’d automatically become his nurse, his maid, and slave, worse, one who thinks it’s her duty to clean after a grown man. Wow!
Unfortunately, this is the reality with many Nigerian men. Many of such men were trained never to be domesticated or able to clean their own mess. Girls were brought up to do all the chores at home because they were groomed to be married someday but men were excused because their wives would clean after them.
I recall a flatmate in the apartment where I used to live in the school. Dude couldn’t make his own meals. He always had girls coming around to cook for him. His room had this rotten and stench smell because he couldn’t take the initiative to clean his own house, where he lived. He’s married today and if he’s still the same person I knew, I feel absolute pity for his wife.
A grown man should take personal responsibility for his cleanliness and hygiene. This should not be left to anyone. As he grows, he is supposed to be trained by his parents or guardians to take personal responsibility for all that matters to him.
Agreed, many men were raised to believe that their hygiene, cooking, and upkeep fell on another human being. They hardly prepared their own meals, they hardly made their beds, they hardly washed their own dishes and some even hardly cleaned up after themselves but as they grew of age, it’s supposed to be common sense to teach yourself how to clean up your own mess.
I have a male friend. When I visited him in his apartment in Uni and visiting him just last year again, I was truly impressed with his level of neatness. His apartment oozed of every freshness you could think of. Each time I visited him, he’d ask me what I’d love to eat and cook it for me. I was truly impressed by how responsible he was (and still is). One day, we got talking and I told him I was truly impressed with not just his personal hygiene but how he takes responsibility for his own upkeep and wellbeing. He told me it’s just the norm. He’s neither the first son nor the last. He thinks nobody let alone a woman should be responsible for his own mess. My friend is married today and his woman enjoys absolute peace in her home.
Single ladies, it’s important that while you’re looking for a goodly man, one who has plenty of sense, you’re also looking for a responsible person who can clean up after himself.
Don’t ever be with a man who thinks his personal hygiene should fall on your head. Don’t marry a man who feels you should be the one who cleans after his mess, flush his poo, wash his clothes, cook for him, clean his room, iron his own clothes, maybe even have his bath for him. A man ready for marriage must be able to clean after himself and take personal responsibility for his own wellbeing.
However, some of you young ladies desperately looking for a relationship or looking for a man to marry you would go into your boyfriend’s house and meet his house in a mess and start cleaning. Common sense does not tell you that it is not your responsibility to clean after him, but you wanna act the good girlfriend, the one who is properly brought up, the one who cleans after an adult, the one who he should take home to his mother, you get a mop stick, bucket, and resume your house help duties.
You wash, arrange all his clothes and also help him to iron. To top it up, you go to the kitchen, where dishes of over two years have had a filled day and you clean it up. There is no water running through the tap, so you tie your mummy-good-wife wrapper round your chest and go fetch water downstairs. You go the extra mile by flushing his poo and cleaning up his bathroom.
Your final lap is on opening his fridge and seeing there’s nothing there, you take some of your own money, run to the market, help him cook and stock his fridge with all manners of soups and stew.
When you are done, you look at yourself in the mirror, give yourself a pat on the back and say well-done. You have done well. You have just proved to a man that you are a marriageable flower and it is only you he should give eyes to. You look around the house, oozing every smell of cleanliness, smile at yourself for being the one who has the swiss lace wife material, the one he would definitely pick among the battalion of women around him.
Young ladies, better respect yourself and stop all this nonsense. Stop cleaning after a grown man. Damn! Stop enabling such bad behavior! See, even if you love to clean and you cannot leave a house dirty after you have been inside, get this into your head – a man who leaves his house dirty, who is comfortable in the dirt is not one you should consider as a good husband fit for you.
It shows a lack of responsibility to look after himself. It shows he lacks basic home training which his parents or guardians failed to give him and failed to learn himself. Every adult should be able to clean after themselves whether you are a man or woman, immediately you have come of age. Every adult should do their own mess!
DUMP HIM!
A man would most likely not clean up his girlfriend’s mess. He’d never visit his babe’s untidy apartment and help her wash dishes or iron her clothes or flush her poo while she’s away. As a matter of fact, he would brag and boast to his friends of how he can never marry her, how she cannot make a good wife, and how she cannot make a good home. No man would marry an untidy, dirty and stinking lady or one who leaves her house in a mess if he happens to visit her place. But women are always the ones cleaning after their guy’s mess. Please put some respect on yourselves. Put some sense in your own heads. Ahn ahn…for how long would you continue to do this to yourselves?
Stop acting like dumping him means you are doomed forever or better, well brought up men no full ground. Stop enabling this nonsense behavior with these filthy men. Your wife’s material is not determined by all this. You may even be perceived to be desperate when you date men and also clean their own mess. Truth is, you’ll continue this in marriage. That’s why many women are physically stressed and under a lot of pressure; they go to work, clean their own mess, their kids’ and still go on to clean the mess of their husbands.
I mean, this should not even be debatable. It should be a basic relationship principle every girl should live by. But no, “I want to marry. I want to bear Mrs. Men are scarce. My friend is married, I must marry too. Men are babies. I’m the one designed to clean after his mess”, would make some of you keep swallowing bullshit.
Do you know that this is why we have some married women to date who still flush their husband’s poo? Ask them. Or let them tell you. It started with this. My pity goes out to all of you.
But sisters, don’t date marry his if he is irresponsible, tell to go learn and fix himself first.
If you like this, share to enlighten other ladies.
Omobolanle Adeyemo
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