How Nigerian men celebrate their birthdays
Day of Birthday- Social media post of pictures or video with caption “Happy birthday to me. Thank God for adding another year to me”
Evening of Birthday – Goes to regular spot with friends and drinks regular beer. Pays for drinks, friends support the bill. Everyone goes home happy.
How Nigerian women celebrate their birthdays
2 months to birthday – social media post “Can’t wait for my birthday 2 months from now.
1 month to birthday – contacts tailor for birthday dress, contacts photographer for birthday photoshoot. Posts on social media “1 month to my birthday”
2 weeks to birthday – starts planning birthday dinner, gets quote from venue, photographer and tailor. Posts on social media “2 weeks to go. I have started accepting birthday gifts”
7 days to birthday – begins fundraising for birthday event via private messaging. Posts on social media “I’ll know those who love me 1 week from today”
3 days to birthday – Releases behind the scenes videos from birthday photoshoot, sends birthday wishlist privately to toasters and active boyfriends. Publishes birthday party invite.
Night before birthday- Sends birthday pictures to everyone on her contact list on WhatsApp to upload. Releases more behind the scene videos of photoshoot. Posts final countdown “2 hours to go to my birthday. In addy to me”
Day of birthday- Posts all 10 pictures from photoshoot on social media, tags 99 other people and captions it “Happy birthday to me, God’s favorite child. I love the woman I’m becoming… etc”. Screenshot everyone’s birthday wish on WhatsApp status and uploads on her own status. Releases an old video of her dancing or twerking. Publicly publishes her birthday wishlist this time. If she doesn’t have a wishlist, she posts her account number. “Those asking for my account number, here it is” Nobody asked fam.
Evening of Birthday- Birthday dinner starts with people saying nice things about the celebrant, then the MC starts asking people for money to “cut the cake”. When they’re done with that, they start with games like devil’s mail bag to try and raise more money to cover the bill of the party.
Morning after birthday- Posts on social media “Thank you all for celebrating with me”
Evening after birthday- Posts on social media “Now I know those that really love me”
1 week after birthday- Posts on social media “I’m still accepting birthday gifts”
Thief.
Written by Brian Dennis
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