I am talking to newlyweds today. Some of you have unconsciously ruined your marriage from the beginning and you may not know it.
One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to let a family member stay with you in your earliest years of marriage. You need time to bond, you need time to know each other better, you don’t need people who will carry gist back to the family and color opinion.
It’s okay if they come and go but having a family member live with you from inception is not a good idea. You are going to fight a lot in the early days and shit will hit the fan a lot. Painful words will be said, families will be insulted then you will settle, forgive each other and move on but the presence of a family member changes the dynamics, those painful words said during a fight may be repeated by the family member and it could blow things out of proportion.
Some of you have family members with you because you need someone to help you but if you can afford it, get someone who can come and go.
This case could be worse if the family member is manipulative and doesn’t like the wife or the husband and they will keep creating endless drama that will escalate to the family. It is particularly dangerous if the husband or wife has a weakness for their family, they may end up exploiting that weakness to create drama in the marriage.
My advice is to bond with each other for the first two years without having a family member stay with you. It’s okay if they come on holiday but having them with you permanently in your early years can ruin that marriage.
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© Wale Jana
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