“whoever said perception is relative and should be respected has obviously never met Nigerians…”
-Banga Lee, a Nigerian named Lee that likes Banga soup
On classifying and talking about perspectives, there is the eye-length your mental range allows you see (or not), the typical Nigerian side that is undebatable, and the other side that probably only sangolo people see. In dire cases, it takes a certain level of superior ability of displacing one’s eyes from whatever root-stock and repositioning them for a better view in order to fully get a feel of how majority of Nigerians think.
At the end of this series, you may arrive at varying conclusions as to why there is a Nigerian part in the brain, and you would not be totally wrong outside a psychology class of course. At the end you might blame this mental atrophy on our ill-luck with democracy and how our brand of humour shields us from direct confrontation, or perhaps the blame might shift to our illogical attachment to whatever smells like God and offers to take this wheel of craziness off our hands.
On religion, Nigerians are in an eternal pact with God that neither man nor spirit can tamper with. We are constantly struggling for the title of God’s chosen people with Israelites. Our zero hesitation to commit our lives and infrastructural development to God and not the simpletons we vote into political spaces when we broach the topic of reaping the dividends of democracy is the most endearing thing about us.
A current state governor made it so easy and pocketable you can literally take home the catchy “…state is in the hands of God” slogan the next time your retired civil servant father complains of how potholes have ruined the Peugeot 504 car he bought in 1994. Also, a slogan like “only a fool says there is no God” is the perfect reply to give that unbeliever who second-guesses your conspiracy theories.
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As a Nigerian you can never get tired of praying. Our solution to insurgency and blatant ineptitude in all shapes is to pray more and spend more state funds organizing nationwide revivals. In fact, nothing is more patriotic than praying for our country and for our leaders. This prayer point is even passed on from generation to generation. No one ever talks about how social realities are considered even when forming churches. There are the ghetto churches with their fire-brand messages and rugged pidgin names, the rich churches known for their relaxed morals and pretty men of God, then the orthodox churches that do not dare step out of line, and the list continues.
The only thing more common than cockroaches are churches and they are in every space gulping up your sanity like it’s chilled La Casera. They sprout overnight like mushrooms, today you are sleeping in peace only to wake up the next day and notice a church full of members fleeing eternal damnation just opened close to your window. Furthermore, it is a viable business idea seeing that every faith business must attract the faithful and zero tax percent.
Our churches preach love, tolerance, and more love for your social and political enemies. As a warning though, never take this message out of context, which in this case is the church building. This gospel of inclusiveness and non-discrimination never makes it out of the church. Outside the church premises capitalism still remains the king of everything, and you have to literally work for every penny you earn like a MF. Do not push your luck.
Most importantly, Jesus is always the answer, not minding whatever the question is. Be sure to remind your Maths teacher when next he asks for the value of X.
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