Ab Isong, a pastor and writer has shared his thoughts on orgasm, why women fake it and the dangers. On his Facebook page, he wrote:
I’m making this post under the coverage of Bishop Dr Leo Leo Umana
I stand on the wings of Ubon Marcus
And under the canopy of Blessing Aniekan
Not forgetting Prof Dr Princess Pat Akpabio
And of course Evang Bernice Umoh
It is an established fact that most women hardly reach orgasm during sex. It often takes special skill and patience and likely combination of other factors for the average woman to get to the peak of her sexual pleasure.
However, the story is not so in reality.
Most women have perfected the art of faking it, such that, for some, it is difficult to tell when it is real. There are many ways women fake orgasm which an experienced and attentive lover can easily detect simply because it is mechanical.
For instance, a moaning that is not in accordance with what is going on or a lack of involuntary movement of the pelvic muscles, no beads of sweat or dampness of the skin and dilated pupils. There are several reasons why women put up this grand shows for their men; from playing selfless heroes to ignorance. However, knowing and understanding why she does it, might help a good partner re-strategize and plan his sex life better, if he is really into his woman.
The war between men and women
Always remember that men and women are wired differently when it comes to sex. Almost all the time, sex is typically great for the man but hardly so for the woman. Even women’s sexuality differ from woman to woman. Women are slower to get to the peak of their pleasure. Most women find it difficult to orgasm with just coital stimulation or vaginal intercourse.
Most women orgasm quicker with clitoral stimulation. Some women need a combination of clitoral and vaginal stimulation to get to the peak. A good lover must have these facts jammed to the back of his head and be ready to put in the work required. Until you discover what she needs and are prepared to give it to her, she will continue to fake her orgasm. Another difference is that most women will reach orgasm more easily with partners they feel a connection with. When a certain level of trust has been established, a woman will feel more relaxed in the arms of her partner. She is therefore able to enjoy a satisfying sex.
Start learning from the very scratch
We have been taught that communication is the key to success in a relationship. Communication during sex is therefore very important.
Sex is important to marriage as oil is important to an auto engine. It is therefore important that you pay attention to your woman’s sexual pleasures especially at the early days of your intimacy. This is the time you are just getting to know each other’s body, pleasures, likes and dislikes and even sexual orientation. Remember that your woman is no fool, piece of toy or tool to be tossed around as you please. She owns her body, so she ought to know her body and how it works better than you. Pay attention to what she tells you and do what she says she wants. These include things like sex position, motion, intensity or speed of how she wants to be touched and how you ought to move. Take hints and follow cues. If you give her what she wants in bed, then she will be happy and crave more intimacy with you. Then she won’t have to fake an orgasm.
Oh selfless woman!
The American Psychological Association website in an article written by Sadie F. Dingfelder said one of the conscious reasons women in heterosexual relationships (man and woman) fake orgasm is “altruistic deceit”. This simply means, avoiding hurting the guy’s feelings. It is an attempt by the woman to protect the man’s ego by making him feel that he is doing a good job at pleasuring her while in reality he is not. According to the survey, the bomb here is that she is indirectly using it as a “relationship maintenance strategy” a means of ensuring that the relationship is sustained. Somehow, we have managed to get it into our heads and psyche that a man derives pleasure and satisfaction from knowing that he is able to give his partner sexual satisfaction in bed. This, we think, will make him happy and want to be with the woman. We are also stuck with the idea that sex is made for the pleasure of the man and it is our duty to provide these pleasures for our men. So, rather than allowing our guys to sweat it out by striving to discover how to perform his duty successfully, we resort to helping them cut corners. Faking orgasms for the woman therefore, is a double edge sword. First, she plays up to the guy’s ego and also keep him in the relationship. The snag here for me is that this is a no win situation for such a woman since she has to endure unpleasant sex which does not guarantee the success of the relationship in most cases.
Sheath the swords
Going to bed feeling angry and sore with your partner is never a good recipe to a good night sleep, more also a good relationship. Couples who fight, nag or are angry at each other all day are not likely to have a very pleasant and pleasurable sex life. Oftentimes, these disagreements means no intimacy. However, intimacy does happen regardless of how the partners feel about each other since sex is often a need rather than an expression of love and care. Men are usually the culprits here and some even use it as a weapon to make their women even angrier. Some men believe sex is a right that comes with the package in a relationship and must therefore not be denied on demand. thus when sex is demanded in this scenario, most women simply swallow their disappointment and give in, pretending to enjoy it, some with the hope that it will make things better. One would hardly expect such an act will bring pleasure, more so, optimum satisfaction.
The sooner the better
Although pain during sex can be pleasurable for some people, generally, pain is not a good thing. If a woman experiences pain while having sex, it is only natural that she will want things to be over as quickly as possible. Pain or discomfort during sex is an indication that something is wrong and needs medical attention. Some women also get sore really fast most times due to lack of adequate lubrication or an imbalanced vagina PH. So, rather than spoil your pleasure moment, she might just fake it to get it over with as quick as possible.
Believe it or not, there are some women who know next to nothing about their own body and sexuality, let alone, sex. Some women don’t know what an orgasm is or feels like. So once they start to feel a little tickle or tingling down there, they believe that’s it! And since many of us learnt our few first cues on sex from movies and romantic stories, we just go on to perform like we are competing for the AMMA awards, acting out these scenes in our heads.
Fear of exposure
For some women, faking orgasm is a way of protecting themselves and salvaging their sexual ego. Many women would not readily admit their awkwardness, discomfort with their own body or a lack of knowledge of what can even give them pleasure during sex. Some believe that showing they enjoy sex portray a bad picture about them, while some others just feel very insecure especially if they have had difficulty in a past relationship. Fear of feeling vulnerable and exposed during sex may also force some women to pretend to enjoy sex.
The problem with faking sexual pleasure is that sex may never get better and the woman remains unsatisfied. With time, bitterness and hurt creeps in and there is a disconnect between the partners. Some go on to continue enduring it while some others just simply drift apart. The success of most relationships, especially in our society depends on more on how much a man is willing to sacrifice for the relationship. Most women are mouldable and easily committed to their relationships.
The importance of communication cannot be overemphasised in a relationship and if you have not been doing it, it is never too late to start..
(please note, sex outside marriage is a sin)