Growing into adulthood is a huge deal because you come face to face with the reality that you are human but humans are not you. The differing behaviors of others somehow shape who you are but deep down, that is not you. What changed your character?

I want to be an influencer, an author, a philanthropist, etc. if it were up to me I will never want to have a moment fight with anyone but someone had to do me so dirty I even had to involve the police and send them to jail. I will never want to take away someone’s freedom or chances of losing their life but this is who I have become. A JAILER!

I was told COURAGE is the most important virtue, without it I cannot practice any other virtue correctly. Some years back I wanted to be singer and I kept auditioning I never stopped, I sang in the bathroom, in my room, in my office, in my kitchen, everyone will say how lovely my voice sounds, but the judges at my auditions thought different, I sat down and thought of something else to do with my voice except singing.

My FAITH has given me guidelines on how to love, live, invest, lead, etc. I try my best to keep up with doing them as well as I can, I never wanted to make compromises that are detrimental to my soul, but I’m in the market place trying to get something to eat and someone else is using false measurement, or false pricing to extort me, they did not care if that was the only money I had. At this point, I cannot love my neighbor as myself.

I am a GRADUATE. I want a good job, that accompanies career growth opportunities, once this is achieved, I will have more focus, build a family, give to charity, give opportunities. Well, life happens, I got the job as excited as I am, this job takes me away from my family, puts me in position where I have to lie to the people I love, I turn down a lot of needy people with great potentials because we have set rules and regulations that they must meet.

I want to be SAFE. I have a nice car, as I go to and from work, I meet a lot of stranded people by the roadside, I want to help them get to their destination or at least help them get to a safe distance but I remember Lyon, my colleague who was assassinated trying to lift a supposed stranded pregnant woman, I drive past them. I really want to help them but I have become this INHUMANE car owner. 

I always prayed to marry a loyal, loving, stable, compassionate, good-looking, wealthy person, I was really excited I met them until after a month, they began to show their true self, after which they left me without warning, without a reason and will never take my calls, typically I would expect to walk away from someone who puts me down, but the more I think of it, the more I want them to validate me, the more I want to hear them say sweet things to me,.I want them to miss me and tell me they made a mistake. Reality hits me; THEY NEVER WILL! Now I walk around in FEAR that every other person will leave me without a warning. Now I walk around, closing my heart to the people who hold the magic I have always desired.

I want to be highly EDUCATED and sort after, I do not come from a rich home, so my chances of studying are limited to what my parents can offer. I got a good job, so I can save up and study, but guess what, I’m also getting older, I mean 30. I have a lot of bills to pay while I also try to save. Well, I’m now 35 with a spouse and a son, unless a miracle happens along the line, I’m stuck with my job and paying bills and praying daily that I remain strong and relevant that at retirement and with my pension I can still live my dream.  

Telsa is still waiting for your APOLOGY over the years, he wasn’t the father and after he found out, you moved on and he wants some closure, he really needs for you to say something, anything, he sees how really happy you look on social media and wonders if karma will come knocking on your door. Your son saw how you got away with being mean and now he finds it difficult to show affection. He doesn’t want to meet his lovely Mom in another woman.

You know how you snuff your cars and generators, producing fumes that are harmful to human health? How you change the expiry date on drugs and sold poison to sick people? How you use harmful chemicals to preserve your food so it has a longer shelf life? Well, Jenn has a damaged lung, now she has a 50% chances of dying and 50% chances of being cured, every day she sits on her bed wondering what she had done wrong, she doesn’t smoke, she took her medications on time, she cooked her meals properly. She heard you say “money must be made, something must kill a man” the ever-loving Jenn is now on her sickbed resentful and hoping you pay with your life just like she’s paying with hers for trusting your humanity.

I know I looked really good in that dress, it was a cheap dress but I have an amazing body so it looked even better, but you told everyone how I slept around and that was why I could afford that dress. Now the street calls me a slut. Your friends don’t want to be my friends; our new neighbors do not seem to like me either. You assassinated my character.  Now I feel alone and ASHAMED even though I bought that dress with my money.

I am CONFIDENT! I know you love my work ethics, you know I am professional, I came highly recommended by a colleague but you put me down really often, I could no longer work independently. I lost my passion and just wanted to make sure I please you. I still wonder why I still seek validation from you even when I know I am better than that. It’s like my self-worth eroded and you are the only one that can give it back. I’m in a new place and my boss is barely around and for some reason, I can no longer work without his approval. I am now being yelled out for working the way you claimed was the best.

He really invested his time and money in you, took you in and closed all protests against you from his family. You were like his first child; you were grown you inherited his connections. He died, his daughter is asking for help, and you promised to take care of her as no one will, but she has to be more than just a foster sister to you, she has to make her body available to you. She is sitting here wondering what her father saw in you in the first place. She said she has chosen to take care of herself and family in this life before she offers an outsider help.

These write-ups strike a chord, right? Did you make some resolutions too? I get that. You know, if someone took something from you, it is expected that they return it to you. You were kind, always wanted to be, hoped to be, people kept talking, they don’t want to give back, you are desperate and you want to search elsewhere, maybe someone else has those things they took from you and no stranger has been capable of giving you back what you gave.

Arrghh people are so emotionally unintelligent but remember people do not also read minds, especially yours but guess who can read your mind? YOU! You gave some much love, compassion, peace, friendship, etc. You know exactly how to give it right? You know how you want it to be, if they asked you how you need it, yeah?

Now listen, if you ever gave love, attention, commitment, trust, the happiness it means you have them, so do yourself this good, give them to yourself;

Take a step back and look at where you started, they were never there from the beginning but YOU have been and you did just great, so why let another human whose life on earth is designed for really short 70 years to dictate how you live your own 70? They aren’t giving back is probably because they do not have to take from the abundance of your heart and soul and feed yourself.

Other people cannot return your sense of self only you can! You literarily walk around embodying everything you are asking from someone else and that being selfish to yourself.

Be an alpha, become the clarity you need, be the imperfect perfect human to yourself, be the growth you anticipated, cut yourself some of the slack, be the soul you want to fly with, fall in love with yourself the way you want them to in the end, your only regret will be I could have been more me early enough.


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