Holy And Horny: How To Handle Sexual Desires As A Single Christian

Handling our sexual desires as Christian singles

“Slow, soft kisses, from the crown of my head to the tip of my toes; won’t it be great to wake up to that this morning”?

The thought floated through my mind as my eyes peeled open that morning. I didn’t feel like getting up, so I took one quick glance at my phone to see what the time was and shut my eyes to savour the thought much longer. By the time I took a second look at my phone, I realized I had spent over 30 minutes fantasizing about things I’m sure you won’t want me to tell you.

Oh yes, we all get horny – male and female, saved and unsaved, virgin or not. And it’s not because we’re sinful that we have sexual desires but simply because God made us that way. We are spirit beings living in bodies with sexual needs. Our sexual desires (which lead us to ‘have’ sex) are God’s gift to us to help us fulfil his mandate to us to be ‘fruitful and multiply’. But depending on your libido (sex drive) which itself is determined by a mix of biological, psychological and social factors, your sex drive as a Christian can make you sound like Zara:

“It’s just too hard. I’m 31 and I’ve never had SEX. Sometimes I feel so frustrated and angry with God because I feel it’s so unfair He lets me go through this. At such times, I just say, “Okay God, I understand you don’t want me to have sex before I’m married, but where is the husband that I’ve been asking you for? In fact, sometimes I just feel like ignoring that portion of scripture and just having sex so badly, but then when I consider the consequences of following through I decide it won’t be wise to do so.”

Or like Vincent:

“I’m engaged to be married and 3 months away from saying ‘I DO’ to the love of my life. But this season is really hard for me [cos] I’m struggling a lot more now with my desire to have sex with her. My fiancée always looks so pretty and we have to spend more time together to agree on wedding plans. Sometimes when she’s speaking and my eyes fall on her lips, I get lost in thought thinking about what it would be like to finally kiss her. And whenever she for whatever reason brushes any part of my body with her breasts or buttocks, I always feel a rush of subtle wind flowing through my third leg.”

In other words, sometimes it feels like even our own bodies ask the question: Can I be married already?!

SEX Is Not The Problem!

“Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations?

Certainly—but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder.”

(1Corinthians 7:1-3 MSG) emphasis mine

God gave us sex as a physical expression of intimacy within the covenant of marriage. While He made sure the act was ‘so pleasurable’, biological release for pleasure or reproduction is not the sole purpose of sex. Sex is much more about – relationship, bonding and intimacy.

Now you’re probably thinking…

“Ify, I know all this. The reason I’ve read this far is because I want to manage my sexual desires now that I am still single.”

Don’t worry, I’ve got you.

Stay with me as I share with you

The 13 proven strategies that helped me remain holy even when I was horny as a Christian single

1. Admit the fact that you’re a creature of intimacy

You’re not a body. You’re a spirit, with a soul, who’s living in a body. Every part of you desires intimacy and sex is only a small way of meeting your desire for physical intimacy. There’s also no need to be ashamed of your sexual desires either (1 Corinthians 6:12). While you shouldn’t dwell on those desires incessantly or allow them to control you, it’s important that you be confident in the fact that God gave you those natural desires for a purpose and God gives only good gifts (James 1:17).

2. Acknowledge that what is sinful or unedifying is sinful or unedifying

Now that you’re aware of what God’s standards are for you as His beloved child, call what God calls sin, sin. And call what may be permissible yet unedifying as just that. This means, having sex with your boyfriend is fornication- not moving in or shacking up. Even when you give into temptation, be honest enough to acknowledge that what you did didn’t please God. The Bible instructs us to abhor what is evil (Romans 12:4). We can only hate evil if we admit that what is evil is evil.

We live in a culture where sin is exalted and encouraged. Sin is now being described with the language of freedom, self-expression, acceptance, tolerance etc. In doing this, society downplays the evil of evil to its own detriment. Referring to a needle as a toy doesn’t make it one. The same thing goes with refusing to acknowledge that what God calls sin is a sin. This doesn’t mean that we live our lives with a sin consciousness; it just means that we don’t let the devil use sweet words to deceive us to look at sin as something desirable just like he did Eve (Genesis 3:1-7).

3. Meditate on God’s word

The first time the Holy Spirit showed me this scripture below, it set me free. I realized that the real reason why my flesh seemed difficult to control was that I was setting my mind on the things of the flesh (i.e. things that didn’t build me up spiritually).

For those who are living according to the flesh set their minds 

on the things of the flesh [which gratify the body], but those who are living according to the Spirit, [set their minds on] 

the things of the Spirit [His will and purpose].

(Romans 8:5 AMP)

If I would commit to giving more attention to the word of God, then my renewed mind and my spirit would together help me overcome the cravings of my body, for as a man thinks in his heart so is he (Proverbs 23:7).

Like I mentioned earlier, God gave us His word to enable us to share His divine nature, escape the corruption in the world and equip us for the good work He created us to accomplish (2 Peter 1:3-4; 2 Timothy 3:16-17). However, the word will do us no good if we don’t take the time to ponder on it, pray about it and ask the Holy Spirit to grant us understanding. 

Want to read numbers 4 – 13?

Kindly download my FREE ebook ‘SINGLE, CHRISTIAN AND HORNY: 13 Proven Ways to Manage Your God-given Desire for Sex without Feeling Guilty” by clicking on DOWNLOAD

Thanks for reading this far.

Kindly share with me in the comments what part of this article blessed you the most.

Love.

Author: Ifeoma Nwekwo

About The author

Ifeoma Nwekwo is a Ghostwriter and self-publishing coach dedicated to helping experts multiply their visibility and impact by self-publishing remarkable non-fiction books.

She’s also the author of the critically acclaimed book “Can I be Married Already?!: Biblical answers to the questions that plague your heart because you’re still single”

Connect with her on Instagram @ifeoma_nwekwo

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