I know motivational speakers told you to overlook your Partner’s Past, but the truth is that your Partner’s Behavior today is a product of her yesterday’s experience….
So when you ignore his/her past, you risk your future.
If you get into a relationship with someone whose past experience is filled with disappointments, they will struggle to trust you… You need to understand that their distrust of you has nothing to do with you but with their past experiences.
If you get into a relationship with someone who has a past filled with casual one night stands, they will struggle to fit into the committed relationship you offer… Their lack of commitment is not about you, it’s because of their past.
If you fall in love with someone whose past is filled with rejection, they will always feel that you will also leave them someday and their love to you will not be FULL because they are afraid of laying all their eggs in one basket.
All of us have our unique pasts… Consciously or subconsciously, we manifest our pasts in our present… So You should be honest with your journey when you meet a new person. And you should also demand such transparency when you meet a new person. If you don’t, you will be confused when certain things you didn’t bargain for begin to manifest in the relationship.
As I type this, a sister in Aba has lost her peace of mind because her newly wedded husband won’t let go of prostitutes… If she knew his history with the princesses of the red light districts, maybe she would have made a more informed decision. Same applies to brothers who marry sisters and discovers later that the sister had gotten used to certain sizes of penis or sex toys and thus struggle to enjoy sex with their current man because of their past sexual experiences…. 90% of the problems in your relationship has roots in the past experiences of your partner.
It is not wrong to excavate the past in order to study it for the benefit of the future. There are some wounds in your Partner’s past which didn’t heal before they were buried in the grave of your Partner’s subconsciousness…. Those wounds have voices and they whisper fear, uncertainty, and distrust to your partner.
It’s even interesting to note that even her friends experiences also matter. If her friends and families are having bad relationships or their marriage is terrible, chances are she’s going worry that hers might follow suit and possibility of her having the same experience is inevitable except something happens.
Pay attention to the past – it is not usually as dead as it appears.
Meditate on this and you will save your current relationship.
Author: Charles Awuzie